A plethora of them that sit upon the tongue and she is either unwilling to give them voice, or she simply understands that now is not the time. It hadn't been so long before that she had that gentle realisation. That she could feel when he wouldn't be coming home to her. Or his mother in Gongaga. She thinks of the younger version of herself that was so uncertain about the world. The version of herself that didn't think admiring a real blue sky was necessary. The world had seemed so very small in comparison to what she really grew to understand.
She has Zack to thank for so much of that. She is the way she is now, in large part, due to him and his influence in her life. He has defined parts of her in so many ways that there is simply no denying that. To see him in the flesh, her heart is both bittersweet in its happiness and aching. A part of her wants to reach out to touch him. Just to see if he's real. Another part of her is too cowardly to do any such thing.
And yet when he speaks, when he jokes around with her, he still sounds like the same member of Soldier who came crashing into the roof atop her flowers. She stills all of the uncertainty that wants to creep into her voice and issues soft laughter. Maybe it won't hurt so much if she can laugh. Maybe, if he's simply a daydream, she can look back on memories made instead of promises unfulfilled.]
I'll make it up to you somehow. However you'd like. [She grins through it all, her insides not fully representative of what she wears on the outside. Gently her teeth hold her bottom lip for just a moment as she moves aside for him and beckons him over.] I was trying to get this out. Help me take it back to town. I can show you around. Or we... can get something to eat? Or we can just talk.
[She isn't sure what he might want to do. If he wants to do any of those things at all.]
no subject
How.
Why.
When.
A plethora of them that sit upon the tongue and she is either unwilling to give them voice, or she simply understands that now is not the time. It hadn't been so long before that she had that gentle realisation. That she could feel when he wouldn't be coming home to her. Or his mother in Gongaga. She thinks of the younger version of herself that was so uncertain about the world. The version of herself that didn't think admiring a real blue sky was necessary. The world had seemed so very small in comparison to what she really grew to understand.
She has Zack to thank for so much of that. She is the way she is now, in large part, due to him and his influence in her life. He has defined parts of her in so many ways that there is simply no denying that. To see him in the flesh, her heart is both bittersweet in its happiness and aching. A part of her wants to reach out to touch him. Just to see if he's real. Another part of her is too cowardly to do any such thing.
And yet when he speaks, when he jokes around with her, he still sounds like the same member of Soldier who came crashing into the roof atop her flowers. She stills all of the uncertainty that wants to creep into her voice and issues soft laughter. Maybe it won't hurt so much if she can laugh. Maybe, if he's simply a daydream, she can look back on memories made instead of promises unfulfilled.]
I'll make it up to you somehow. However you'd like. [She grins through it all, her insides not fully representative of what she wears on the outside. Gently her teeth hold her bottom lip for just a moment as she moves aside for him and beckons him over.] I was trying to get this out. Help me take it back to town. I can show you around. Or we... can get something to eat? Or we can just talk.
[She isn't sure what he might want to do. If he wants to do any of those things at all.]